Is it possible? Yes!
Church people are still people! And people can be mean and selfish and spiteful.
A lot of people like myself go into a church and expect 'perfection' a whole load of people who have got their life together and can help you sort out yours too. Sadly that's not the case.
I know many people that won't go near a church because they've been upset by someone in a church and u understand I sympathise, but I ask will you let one person be the reason you don't get to jam with God for eternity? After being in his presence ad receiving his blessings you feel fine to turn your back on him because of a person that probably doesn't realise how muh they hurt you?
I know hurt I dealt with it as soon as I got in the church doors infact it had me walking back out with my deuces up.
It was my personal relationship with God why I'm back again! All the 'advice' and 'coercing' in the world wouldn't have got me back into church with those hypocrites! But God could his words his promises his specially appointed people to bring me scriptures and encouragement, if he didn't live me as much as he does, if he didn't keep his hand on my life as heavily as he does I would not be here blogging today, I'd be high as a kite cleaning the same spot on my laminate flooring that is been cleaning for the last hour or so, like I used to do.
Pop some speed clean all day, isolate myself from everyone, because people bring mess, then roll my big fat spliff for my bedtime come down!
I would probably be worse I'd have 'those guys' (the ones you wouldn't bring he to meet the family) buzzing round on rotation with my in after bedtime, out before sunrise rule!
Harbouring hatred in my hert for every person that had the cheek to mention the name Jesus in my presence.
It took me over a year to overcome my feelings towards 'church people' it's only recently I can smile at offense and be like "oh well you're gonna have to answer to my daddy for that one but have a nice life "
I wanted to go back to church, he wanted me back in church but very time I went it was like ripping open an old wound!
All the sermons seemed to be about forgiveness I wasn't trying I hear that.
Why was I so wounded? I'll tell you...
My first ever time in church I saw a good few people I knew from a few years back friends and foes. There was one lady I knew and used to have light conversation with, when I got to church rather than welcoming me with open arms and gladness, she more or less stated right through me, she spoke to the person I wa with and didn't even give me any form of acknowledgement! I thought that was weird but maybe she didn't remember me so never mind.
She remembered me on my baptism and commitment, she even had encouraging words for me, I assumed it was all in my head and we were cool!
But then I asked to get my daughter dedicated (christened)!!!
You would think I was asking her to perform a human sacrifice.
She was always unavailable and busy there was never a chance to talk to her, that's normal for Sunday after church it is really busy I tried not to get too upset about that. Then I was given her number and tried to sort it out over the phone, that was a myth if she answered she was busy and wanted me to call back, after a few weeks she changed her number and failed to contact me even though she had mine. The one time she called me back it was in private number.
She give me a list of all the information I needed and said to hand it to her in church the following week, guess what!? She wasn't in church the following week, the week after was the date for the dedication. I had family travelling over 200 miles for this occasion I had no arrangements, nothing was concrete, catering numbers names nothing!
I still had faith it would be alright because God himself told me it would be fine.
Two days before the date when nothing had been confirmed I found out there was another dedication on the same day and my daughters fathers current woman was going to be attending!!! Are you high? I wasn't having that!
I left work texted everyone saying "it was cancelled" of course everyone wanted to know why, being so immature in Christ I felt compelled to answer their questions an the more I talked about it the more infuriated I became. I wanted to smash her face in! How dare she dodge my calls and not help to plan my daughters 'christening' but yet she had time to do the same with someone else, worst of all someone I didn't even like!!!!!!!
I told my pastors and my mentor all the people I thought would be able to help me and I got... Church hurt!
I was dismissed and told I was imagining it because she wouldn't do that... pssht!
I was told it wasn't her it was the devil... Pssht!
Apparently she was still going to find a way to get the information needed after work on Friday ready and sorted by Sunday morning! I'm sorry I still don't believe that to this day.
I had to see her every Sunday, I constantly had the reminder that everyone was telling me I had made it up in my own mind, which to me said she's been here longer than you pipe down!
No I wasn't going out quietly yes I made a scene told everyone that would listen what she did.
And would you believe even the people that agreed and sympathised with me still didn't back me! I was in my own with this one no 'friends', no parental support, no mentor support, no pastoral support just me, a 3 month old Christian and this massive injustice!
Well if no one was goin to take my feelings into account I wasn't going back there, the place was full of lying hypocrites the kind that put the rest of the world off of Christianity, the ones that blame the devil for every bad thing like there's no free will. I did not intend to become like that.
Time passed, not a lot of time but more than enough for a babe in Christ. I went to other churches because I made the decision that noone was going to stop me doing what I had to do, God called me so even if that church didn't want me God still did, my journey couldn't end so soon I dismissed thought that I'd been in, brought a few friends through the door, they were who God wanted his use for me had expired, I was used and useless!
People were telling me 'come back to church' pssht are they crazy? Where were they when u needed them? Who stood up for me when my voice wasn't being heard? Who dealt with the burning anger tearing up my insides every time I turned my he'd and saw 'her' sat worshipping like she hadn't done anything?
No I wasn't having it!
I found a new church and this place was awesome, close to home, made provisions for my children, welcomed me through the doors etc it was the one. I'd never been to a church like it in my life.
As time went on I stopped going to that church too, I tried another one but it was boring, I just lost my zeal I was slipping right back to where I'd began, living reckless!
To my surprise God hadn't finished with me yet he was still talking to me still teaching me and guiding me.
It did take me a while before I was back at my 'home' church there was a lot of strengthening happening within my own four walls I've got to thank God for the God channels and good people that take time out to listen and pray.
I went back but the anger was still there the resentment had to have been all over my face because I couldn't control it.
She still hadn't apologised, she didn't even acknowledge she'd done anything wrong it was like war of the wills, believe me there was a silent battle going on.
That Joyce Meyer boy what can I say? Her forgiveness messages are spot on, straight to the heart and sincere, they began to take root, my teaching at ellel ministries watered and strengthened those roots, they taught me forgiveness is a decision first not am action, it became a good fruit in my life.
I believe because of my determination and Gods help the change came my pastors apologised for their lack of support in the matter.
Gods intervention was evident she wasn't even in church for around 4-5 weeks after I decided to go back! That's rare, so you know that's grace right here.
I began to wonder where she was in her absence and if she was actually alright herself. By the time she came back I was re-rooted in church and she didn't bother me.
I was God mother to my God daughter at the same church arranged by the same woman, I even noticed the twinges disappear while attending other christenings at the church.
She still hasn't apologised but forgiveness doesn't depend on apologies it's your decision and what's in you that makes the difference and it takes a lot to get over a hurt like that.
My children are my world, rejection of children sparks a monster in most mothers I don't know how anyone else would have reacted but I'm sure it would have been oh well never mind loool.
It was a few months ago when her mother approaches me and said 'young lady you never say hi when I speak to you' obviously I had a cocky little answer for her (and yes the spirit did prick me for it, ad told me to hush my mouth) then she said when she says hi she says it in love. That left a lingering thought in my mind "have I fully forgiven?"
Now was the time to give it all up I now say hi to everyone even if they blank me I get a lot if 'church people' act like they don't see me but that's their business... My concern is my salvation and no one is worth it! Judgement day we will all have to answer for our wrongs and the excuses " but he said..." Or "because she did..." Just won't cut it!
I suffered a knock that a lot of people wouldn't be able to get up from, let alone a 3 month old single Christian mom on her own... So my question is if I can do it, why won't you?
Notice I said won't and not can't! Because you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.
A good few people have now been through church hurt recently and only now are they getting a feel of what I went through in 2012, the flesh part of me is like "yeah now you know how it feels you should probably apologise for accusing me of exaggerating" but the Christlike side I me says " I understand your pain I will pray for your healing and deliverance"
In all honesty I still don't know if it was deliberate or not. I only have my side of events, she may well have a good reason for all that happened. One day I might find out or I might not, either way I have forgiveness in my heart and not just for her but as a foundation for everyone who I feel has hurt or offended me the rest of my days, foundations are to be built on so I expect many more upsets. I'll be sure to blog about them!
Noones perfect we all fall short of the glory so who can judge? Including me, it's not my place.
It was a horrible experience, but if it helps just one person it was worth it!
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