Most people are thinking and???
Ok in her first year at school she was bullied, racially by the other 4 year old children!!! Which completely shattered her confidence I'd lost my little bubbly, happy princess :( We have forgiven the children and the teachers for there lack I action to prevent or stop this happening. After she'd changed schools (no I wasn't goin to leave her there! Forgiveness doesn't mean you don't take positive action) in the last term of year one she took 2 tests which confirmed she was as the school put it 'very dyslexic', she's had a one to one teacher for around 6 months, she's only recently gone back into the classroom with the other children.
Obviously dyslexia doesn't come upon us like the common cold it had been manifesting while she was getting bullied, only adding to her distress and it wasn't without a lot of stress, tantrums and tears that i managed to get her present school to test her for dyslexia.
If anyone tried to get her to read or write her 'Hyde' would come out tables were getting tipped over, chairs were being thrown, anyone who dared to cross her path or try to calm her down was bitten, scratched or hit (this child looks like butter wouldn't melt, like a little cherub).
She was so angry, frustrated, afraid and most likely lonely, trapped in her immature, young mind unable to communicate her thoughts and feelings via speech or paper, like the rest of her peers could.
After one incident she was suspended from school, they had me running back and forth in the freezing cold, every 2 & 1/2 hours, because she was on half days, her daddy had recently been sent to prison. I wanted to cry every day, the teachers were all up in my face and at times in my business!!! Referring outside agencies to 'support' me. "No thank you"
I don't ask for help easily, that was a hard lesson God taught me over a period of time, but that's another story.
All my heartfelt prayers, the crying, the late night phone calls to friends with children that also have what is classed as a 'disability', being in school with her for the first 30-45 minutes of every school day, whilst worrying about my son, who I'll call 'Niko' while he was living with his dad and coming back on a weekend so unhappy, plus my fearless 3 year old (at the time) 'Kezia' who was equally worrying me with stories of being kissed on the lips by a carer in her nursery, which I reported to management and was told my child has behavioural problems and is most likely lacking enough attention at home because I'm so 'stretched'
Really???
Is everything my fault?
I mean I've been doing the parenting thing since I was 15 years old i must have learnt something by now!
I thought I was gonna break I didn't know how I was going to survive the next day, I got to the point where I was so emotionally exhausted I was numb just going through the motions, detached and hopeless... My home life was falling apart and I couldn't stitch it back together, no one could help me! Except God but I wouldn't call on God with an open heart, because I was living in sin! Yep indulging in illegal activities which opened the door to a list of other sins.
I was as Lacrae would put it 'on my way to hell with a full tank'
Not only was I struggling with all my children but I decided to move to make life easier, my gosh looking back I don't know what I was thinking when is moving ever easy? I left a nice house for an ashtray/ dog kennel!!!!
Only God could have brought me through all of this, without him I'd be in the psychiatric ward with no chance if being released any time soon!
Truth being told my move was actually a good idea, I'm closer to church and my brothers and sisters in Christ, my friends, I'm closer to school and town, plus the shops close late in this area, there's even a 24 hour garage for my late night munchies :) it's still not finished but it's home and it's as clean as it can be with 3 children.
Once God freed me from my bondage of illegal activities and pointed out how I could have lost mine and my children's life in a motorway accident if it had not been for his divine intervention, the fact he 'loved me' started to become apparent in my mind, over a year after being baptised an filled (talk about slow huh)! After He told me not to get involved with wicked dealings and I went ahead and disobeyed and added a few more naughties to the list that I'm going to have to answer for on judgement day (peak times for me) he still said "no satan you can't have my babies" He forgave me and redeemed me and my bloodline!
Our relationship is getting stronger, we're getting closer I still fail daily who doesn't?I still struggle taking the time and patience to deal with Angels education even though I know how important my input is, but her wanting to come home and do it is so encouraging to me. I am one woman doing a 2 person job, because of careless decisions made in my youth, not that I'd change that now may I add.
Angels getting her glow back and by me taking the time out that I do Niko and Kezia also want to take that time out with me to learn and talk. God being God just upped the stakes on the 30th June he told me I now need to teach my children about Him and all He does for us and He politely reminded me last night too.
Did I not say I was struggling just to do homework and reading etc. on a consistent basis?
People love to say God doesn't give you more than you can handle! pssht Yes He does! But He also provides his grace and gives you all the tools you need to fulfil His requirements of you.
I could not have made it through this last year or so without Him even though I turned my back on Him to do 'my own thing' prayer is so powerful! Those of you who mock it should try it (Matthew 11:28,30 - Come to me all you who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light)
It makes me feel so happy now to be sat here blogging about what I've been through, because I can see the permanent change that's been made in my life, a change I couldn't have made in my own strength. My children are happier than ever and we're looking forward to bigger and better things all because He loves me.
I went through the fire and came out like gold!
Hope this helps someone x
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