What I've come to realise more in the recent weeks is that me and my sisters are struggling, with being single. We say we won't compromise, and we mean it but we do! There's always the one that got away that we now recognise and wish we could do things over.
It never used to be a problem to be single, for me it was always a choice. Now however it's a struggle in my group and among a lot I christian women all we desire is to be settled down. Is it because sex out of marriage isn't the way, but we're so use to having it we can't see any other way?
It's not like no one doesn't have sex outside of marriage I'm guilty of that, but that's another blog for another day!
I've come to realise some of us don't love or value ourselves enough yet, some of us are impatient, some of us have had some bad counsel. Being a single Christian woman has some serious taboo areas! I mean who do we talk to about these things? Married people seem too scared to even want to hear these things... I don't want to be single for the rest of my days, but I sure don't want to forget how I feel so I can help the future singles in years to come. Unfortunately there is no set answer to deal with these problems no one answer to cure our feelings of guilt and frustration.
No knowing if you will get married to your soul mate and live prayerfully ever after or if you're called to a life of celibacy serving God alone!! I think the latter scares a lot of women I can't say it scares me, but I'd rather know so I set my sights on the right goal. I've stopped preparing for my 'future husband' and started taking one day at a time. My children are my focus but I can't focus on them if I don't stay close to God. I feel like I've been drifting in months past getting lukewarm, which is something he doesn't want! Scripture says to be hot or cold, it makes sense really because I've never met any person who likes lukewarm drinks.
If I go back a few months to where I was focused on preparing for marriage if I'm honest I was overwhelmed, I got myself all stressed and flustered trying to ready myself lool how does that make sense? God made man from dirt/ mud since when could dirt clean dirt? How can I prepare and clean myself off if my views on relationships and men are distorted and worldly? It's safe to say that didn't last long anyway before I knew it I got sidetracked and lost my footing.
So what are we supposed to do to prepare for marriage? My answer to that question is nothing just work on improving yourself and your skills for example I'm trying new recipes and perfecting old ones, not for any potential husband just because it's a skill I'd like to have in the meantime my children can enjoy my new found culinary skills. I'm going to the gym not so I can be slimmer for my husband, but because it helps me clear my mind of all the daily clutter, it's my personal child free time and it actually helps my breathing when singing. I have now conquered my cleaning and am getting the children into the habit of helping, not because no man wants to take on lazy family, but because we deserve a clean house, it's way too much for me to do alone and I'm training my children for when they grow up and leave home to start their own little families.
The bed time routine is stronger and more consistent than ever before, without it the whole house crumbles.
All these changes haven't happened all at once they've been gradual and even unnoticeable at first. I'm grateful for them nonetheless, I appreciate them more because I know God implemented them not me and when God lays the foundation the building cannot be shaken!
Someone aske me last week if I feel as bough I'm preparing for something, I said no I'm doing what's necessary for right now, my home needs decorating now so me and my children have a nice home to live in, not just because a man might want a nice place to live if and when I meet him.
So looking at the bigger picture maybe I am being readied for a husband but I know there is still a lot of work to be done, but you know what? I'm not worried today I'm going to devote myself to my God and my family and be grateful for what I already have!
No comments:
Post a Comment