Suffer not the little children

For a few weeks my 4 year old gas been expressing the desire to get baptised. Which I think is too cute and have no problem with, ministers and pastors however feel she's too young again I have no problem with that either. I know if it's meant to be God will make a way!

She's been having vivid, almost prophetic  dreams. She's been saying things that are most unchild like, but not scary. Her whole persona has changed, she still challenges me but less and focuses more on kisses, cuddles and quality time with me.

I even had a nightmare in which she was my protector and came to my defence, fearless and brave as she is!

We've had a busy, stressful year I think now she's finally starting to settle, the good fruit is showing from within her. She has more often got an encouraging word for me or her brother and sister sometimes even scripture lol.

Basically at her young age she's developing a relationship with God that is so awesome, on Sunday we went to a baptism service at our new church and she randomly started playing up! She was infact tormenting me and anyone else she could get eye contact with. It was getting to me but she likes to cry loud in quiet times and I can't take the embarrassment.

So I just decided to ignore her, that usually calms her down real quick.

It came to the actual dunking part and she really wanted to get in she took off her shoes and asked me to go with her to the front, which just resulted in us walking past the whole church while the pastor was preaching, eeekkk!!!

Then there was alter call her little hand shot up fast, because she was so small she wasn't seen but I told her she could go up. She walked up boldly to get her blessing, after receiving her prayer he didn't budge from the alter her little face was almost screwed up tight, and her hands were clamped tight together the pastor thought she was upset lol.

It brought tears to my eyes it was so beautiful to see, the presence of The Holy Spirit was all over her, she was there physically but you could see in her mind she was in a much happier place. As she turned to walk from the alter he broke out into a skip.

She was blessed with a children's bible which she is asking me to read to her everyday so far, and more than once!

It was surprising to me and maybe the rest of the church too.

I remember my S.I.C asking why she was acting like that, when I got home I texted "the devil knew his time was up so he started playing havoc!" I mean literally though on a normal day me and her would have fallen out and she would have been to angry to go get her blessing, I thank God for the extra patience he gave me on Sunday night and that what the devil meant for bad, he turned to use for good... I wish all my battles were so simple :)

Forgotten blog: putting my vagina in Gods hands

Confession time! I've been having sexual relations with an old friend for almost a year now, it wasn't regular at first now it seems to be becoming more and more frequent!

My Aunty asked me not to use that title, but it made me chuckle and I have no other way to explain it.

I miss the affection and intimate company  of males. I can go so long without it and then I crumble and walk right back into what I was just free from. It's not just the act it's the whole connection around it, sex is totally spiritual and I get that but it's that spiritual connection I yearn for.

I admit I want sex less and less by the day, but it doesn't stop me doing it.

I don't feel as though it's something I can just decide to stop then just stop, maybe I can and I doubt myself or maybe it's one of those slow processes that some of us have to go through.

I have noticed a change within myself in relation to my 'weakness' but it's a small change or rather a series of small changes.

It's not a huge desire like it used to be, it's almost like a hobby now I just do it when I can, if I can either be bothered. Male attention still really bugs me even though it used to have the opposite effect! I don't quite know how to be straight, without coming across rude. So I'm polite and friendly which men seem to take as interest.

Kind of a catch 22 trying to be Christlike, but being blunt enough to shoot down unwanted advances.

I've managed to cut off all my 'links' any sexual ties or just unhealthy relationships with any men possibly wanting more!

I don't even feel bad I feel free and clean!

I'm content with me my provider and my children.

I've got personal goals to accomplish and I can't have distractions weighing me down I'm 30 in a short while and I've had a lifetime of failures and aborted dreams, usually because of men.

I feel like Gods going to push me to the top and when I get there I'll see my king, who will be ready to make me a queen.

My dress sense has changed even more since my last little transformation. 

Music is my medicine

Oooh I did a wee interview about being in the community choir. Exciting! It was a little weird being followed by a man with an iPhone but I'm sure it will look great. Talking about why I love music and what singing does for me really bought it home to me that it's very much a part if my life and maybe even my ministry.

It brings it to my attention that I come from a musical family and it is a natural talent I've been trying to deny, in fact both sides of my family are musical. DJs and promoters, dancers and just general music appreciators. On my maternal side I have multiple instrument players, singers, song writers, choir members and probably more than I even know. My children can rap and sing mainly freestyle, they had to have got it from somewhere right!? Not trying to gas but it's got to be me lol.

The kind of music we listen to can determine the way we are with each other, out thoughts and actions. I don't doubt that there are subliminal messages in secular/ popular music, there are even hidden Christian lyrics in some I those same songs.

At my darkest hour music brought me through, I couldn't imagine where I be now if I hadn't listened to music or unconsciously sung words to lift my spirit. At one stage I wanted to join the worship team at church, that didn't work out i'm probably not ready especially given my slip in lifestyle, it not likely wouldn't be a good look.

Ministry starts at home anyway, my children no longer shout shut up when I sing out loud, well only sometimes lol. 

When my cousin comes to see me, if something's wrong I start singing uncontrollably. He says there's nothing up I turn look at him and say "I'm singing again and I don't even want to something's up"

It's clear that it's something I should pay more attention to, whether I will is another story, I know what I'm supposed to do but very rarely do it... Then I spend my time whinging and crying that things aren't going my way lol.

I'll pray on it and ask God to guide me, things are happening now that are surprising to me, I didn't know I would be capable of doing things that I conjoured  up in my imagination.

I'll keep you posted 

Here's the link to my interview don't laugh lol 

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wbYeMjwkYHM&feature=youtu.be&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DwbYeMjwkYHM%26feature%3Dyoutu.be

Happy new year?

Hey so sorry I've been so quiet! With all 3 children home and lots of parties and gatherings to go to over the Christmas period I've barely had a chance to speak if Gods greatness and my crapiness, if that's even a word.

Sooo much has happened I wouldn't know where to begin! Unfortunately there's been unexpected deaths and sicknesses all around my family, it's pretty disturbing with none of them being 'saved' as such I don't want anyone else to be struck down without their ticket to heaven secure in their hearts.

It's been quite confounding that this gas happened I haven't been able to get up and travel across the country like I used to, to comfort and encourage everyone. Normally I would be distressed and depressed. There's a few reasons why I'm not but my favourite is last year when my Aunty was diagnosed with breast cancer and I was in severe financial difficulty and couldn't get to see her, my prayers still reached. My family still remained close, I was still kept in the loop and she totally kicked cancers ass!

It still hurts me a little that I wasn't able to hug and care for her even if just for a weekend, but I know my prayers were more help than I could ever be physically.

I've been in spiritual warfare for my little cousin, the kind I didn't know I was able to do. It was so real my heart began to beat like I was running when I saw what saw.

I've almost been drowned in self pity but Gods decided to bless me with knowledge, understanding and temporary rest bite from the battlefield . It's time to spend with my children, nurturing and raising them righteously. Time to ready myself for this calling I'm being prepared for.

Just before Christmas the devil tried one more attempt to get me out of Gods covering, but I'm here today pleased to say "ha, it didn't work".

Even when followed by all the bad news I held on to Jesus, the words of the bible the voice of God and I kept pushing through. 

I was once told how you spend your January determines the rest if your year, if that is accurate I plan to spend January hopeful, to keep looking forward, but only one step at a time. If you watch your step  you are less likely to stumble.

You know that song 'one step at a time sweet Jesus, that is all I am asking of you , show the way, teach me to take, one day at a time' ( I am aware that might be my own version lol forgive me for any errors, but I'm sure you get my point).

I'm not interested in the 5 and 10 year plan I don't know if I have that long I only know I have now and I'm going to live for Jesus today, tomorrow can worry about itself although if I witness it I will be prepared for it.

I've gone so hard in my own strength at 29 years old I'm already tired, so I let God do it all, he knows best anyway.

The last 8 day haven't gone to plan but they have been better than I could have imagined... They're a a scripture for that lol

Bare me and my families in mind and feel free to pray as I do and will for you

Have a God blessed year!