For me it seems like ages since I last blogged, so much has happened I wouldn't know where to begin, but I will say I've had to do a lot of listening instead of talking.
I am absolutely grateful for, whom I consider, my armour bearer . Without her prayers and encouragement I don't think I could have come through this without her support.
I'm kind of guessing all that's been going on has been an attempt to stop me going where I need to be.
I hope you can all see the life of a Christian isn't all flowers and hymns!
It's hard and it sucks sometimes.
Bit by bit everyone and everything is being stripped from me, family, friends home comforts, my dreams and aspirations.
I've been through another life changing battle, I always say to God "why couldn't you just tell me?" He usually says "you wouldn't listen if I did!" I guess I'm one of them that learn the hard way *roll my eyes*
After standing alone in the battlefield I realise I only have God. He is my all in all. Nothing in this world will satisfy me or my needs quite like he does!
I was all excited about wearing my sexy dress to a party next week, but I don't wanna go because Gods presence is not gonna be in there!
I don't want to live another day without him all over and around. When everyone else has gone about there business he's still there! When I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm rich, when I'm poor he is always there to support and comfort me. Believe me when I say a great many people have turned their backs on me because I spit the truth like venom because I speak out against injustice, people who told me they would be there for me and I could call on them any time lol they're not here today! They happily walk past me like I'm a shadow, they're busy when I'm in their vicinity.
Mali music quotes in his song 'fight for you'... "and those you trust will start to turn too, so don't pay too much attention to the stuff they say they won't do"
This song literally attached to my spirit before my turmulous times started! I was forewarned Jesus would fight for me, I'm special I'm not to be changed, remade,conformed to any person or church, I'm for his use only!!!
That's not something people like to see or hear so if that's you too, expect a constant raging war, it's not just me he's fighting for it's my bloodline, my children the future apostles, prophets, evangelists and worship leaders. My lineage is blessed and it I fall out of sync I'm taking the rest of the train off the track too, no parent wants to be responsible for their child/rens death spiritual or physical.
I have to keep fighting, Jesus visited me in a dream and showed me women I didn't know with sad stories and told me they needed me. Who me? What can I do? I can't even quit smoking!
My dirty past, my broken family history every bad thing I've been through and come out of in one piece is going to help those women and their children.
I saw twice that day the race where a runner fell horribly and got up carried on running and won the race... Confirmation always comes twice right!? He was telling me get up, keep running you can still win!
I'm so gassed right now (youth talk...yes I'm still young so I try) like a new fire has been lit insider and I just want to run and touch everyone with it! Start a whole bunch of holy fires. Spread love like I'm on ecstasy, Jesus has this effect on me, people make me the opposite. My seasons are short and sweet I don't spend lifetimes with friends I never have done. It upsets people and when our season is over they slander me and rob me but yet still, I can still love that has got to be a heavenly gift right?
When I can't go on, when I collapse exhausted in a heap Jesus picks me up and carries me... He said I'm worth it and he refuses to lose me. He doesn't lie so how can I not believe him?
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