Continued

Over the last few days it's not really for much better, I admitted that u still need God and always will but my heart is so cold and hard towards him. I don't understand it my own will and what I want to do doesn't burden me or make me feel guilty, I'm just not bothered!

It does concern me yes but not like before it's a weird sense of freedom the kind of freedom I don't know what to do with.

I can't even be bothered to try and I'm rapidly running out of chances and options to save myself. I am actually drowning in myself?

Doesn't make much sense but if you e ever been through it you'll know.

I can't be bothered to do the right thing anymore my 'conscience' doesn't prick me like it would have.

The sound of people talking church in my ear is so damn irritating I don't think it will be long before I lash out and physically hurt someone!

I care for nothing I probably feel like king Saul after God took his anointing Way to give to David, but the words of my songs don't touch my soul anymore just my eardrums... The outer part of me because inside is closed or dead whichever is more appropriate.

I have no desire to do anything and those people who depend on me will be sorely disappointed if they don't learn to stand on their own two feet real quick.

I'm totally drifting I don't even want to associate with anyone, conversation is boring.... Times like these when an iPhone is a burden. When you just want to be left alone!

Dunno what's gonna happen from here on out might update ya, might not lol

But for now I'm going to lie in bed tormented and wide awake like nearly every night!