Is God actually real?

When you try to take five minutes out to just breath and reflect and all you can see and hear in your mind is negativity and doubts! I go to the toilet and there are pictures being pushed under the door, there isn't one room in my house where o can shut the world out and just chill except the kitchen... I do not want to be in there any more hours of the day than I need to be so that's not an option!

So a quick recap... Since breaking up with the oh so pleasant psycho things have been resetting even better than they were before until recently he split up with his girlfriend and started messaging me like we don't have to go to court next week so everyone else knows he's a psycho! Just as life was starting to look up I'm being dragged back into the past, if I don't go to court to give evidence I get reprimanded!!! Like really? So I have to take yet another day off college because of this a-hole, as if I'm not already struggling to keep up with my workload now that I'm homeschooling the girls.

Which brings me to this question is God real? Is my faith real? Have I been making things up and pretending they are from God? Am I making the right decisions? And what decision do I make next? Why is there no one sensible for me to talk to??? Someone who's experienced what I'm going through and got through it ok?

I'm tired of having no money because God said you won't be employed again, why though? And if I didn't make that sentence up why the heck am I going to university? Am I even going to university? Is there any point in finishing this course?

Should I be homeschooling my children because I cannot cope without being able to get a moments peace or leave them to study independently for two minutes with having a pissy fit of my own!

All of a sudden the structure in my house had disappeared! No routine no nothing literally winging it from day to day all the plans I make going to pot!

No prayer life no bible study no time for the gym no time or earphones to sing away my woes. All I can think is, so this great and wonderful God wants me to lead this disastrous life?? People seem to be getting along finest without acknowledging him and  getting stung left, right and centre! 

I have totally unwanted ex's popping up like we spoke last week how uninterested can I be before I need to be rude!?

I've damn near blocked half the world from contacting me but the creepers always find a way under the radar!Fml

I've sacrificed so much to do this course and now right near the end it looks like I'm going to fail! 

Like a mad woman I've started homeschooling my young children so it looks like university is out the window, again if God has a great plan for my life and this is it, what the heck is so great???

If I give up now is it my fault? We're the decisions I made to get here the right ones? 

Where is God now when I need him? 

 

Ready for a new season??

Am I ready for 2015? It's not like I had a choice to stay in 2014 anyway, but no way was I expecting it to be as positive as it has already! I'm passing assignments and getting a new understanding of my subjects and I'm hopefully waiting for a university offer! My life has changed for the good and I can't see a way back. Not that I would want to if I could, I almost feel like I'm on a conveyer belt floating through the days.

My children, ever changing and challenging have had a good start! I thought I was 'losing control' of my son, but he's actually got goals and aims for this year and I'm proud of them and him of course!

My girls are exceeding expectations educationally. 

Who would think that just weeks ago I thought about giving up! Putting my life on hold because it was getting too hard.