Off the meds

So much had happened recently I haven't had much have to sit and blog, there's always something going on almost too much.

I feel like I've been floating through the last few weeks, months my feet never quite touching the 'hard' floor. When everything's hard that's fine sometimes necessary. I feel like I've been in bubble land bouncing off soft surfaces until I'm dizzy because I'm always bouncing... Never getting a moment to stop and get a feel of my surroundings, set down any roots. It's frustrating now I may well be making progress in life but I don't see it!

I've taken myself off the medication I've been on, I probably shouldn't but that witch on the gp's reception really doesn't help anything at all,

So far the symptoms of withdrawal are headaches, tiredness, aggression, reckless spending, poor eating habits and inability to focus on any one thing for a period of time.

No I didn't read them off the leaflet I just regularly examine myself and my motives.

A few weeks ago someone suggested I lose my happy because it's unnatural and bringing unwanted attention, I originally thought it was the Jesus effect that was making me happy and u thought no way can I go without him!

Apparently it's the happy pills I've been on. Let's see how this person reacts to the less happy me... I bet he wasn't counting on being included in the mix lol.

My son doesn't want me to come off them after last time, understandable which teenage child wouldn't want an unnecessarily calm mum? 

I wasn't prepared last time, I'm ready to fight this time it's my mind and I should be in control! Romans 12:1-2 refers to the renewing of the mind, which tells me it's within my power to train my mind.

I need to tell my mind I'm not a procrastinator, I'm not confused, I'm not interested in moping round with depression and I don't want to hang myself! It's my mind in my body and what I say goes that's how I intend it to be from now on. Self control I believe is one of the fruits of the spirit, I've been given all of the fruits so why not let them grow and manifest? That's what makes me different, that's what makes me a Christian, child of God. 

I'm aware it's not going to be easy especially in the next few weeks. 

I want to be dedicated I want what I had before I started gettin emotional and unstable because I clearly can have it.

I declared 2014 was gonna be a great year and I don't like to lie.

If that means I go to bed at 8pm so be it! 

Staying up late to socialise and cater to the needs of everyone else isn't what I'm called to do right now I'm a mother and the head of my home I need to lead my family successfully and orderly!

I can't help others if I can't help myself.

Short term goals:- 

Finish decorating my home

Get the bedtime routine back in place 

Make exercise a family thing 

I will keep you updated of course pray for me as I begin taking steps to restoration!

I've fallen in love

So in the past few weeks I've managed to fall head over heels in love...

This person has always been there for me. He's helped me, he's straight talked to me, given me constructive christian, helped me to change for the better.

I'm still a 'sucky' person but he's not even bothered about all my flaws like I am!!! He's always been there to make sure I don't go without, and even when I fall out with him, ignore him and try my hardest to rub him up the wrong way he's like "I'm not even worried about all of that"

How could one man be so perfect?

How could one man make me feel so good?

When have I ever wanted to give my all to one man like this?

I'm very near the point of being willing to do just about anything for him!

When I think of him I feel happy, I get butterflies, it even feels like my heart swells.

I can't stop smiling even when I don't want to.

So many memories of me and him from over the years flood my mind on a daily basis.

I don't want anyone to have his spot! These lovely men that seem to be offering me the world don't compare to him in the slightest! I don't want anyone but him!!!

I could talk about him and how he makes me feel all day, but I'm going to share my secret as  sure you're wandering who this fine specimen of a man is and whether he has any brothers lol.

His name is Yeshua, you might know him as Jesus! He's absolutely wonderful, it's the best relationship if my life... He brings out all my finer qualities and he makes my heart love in a wholesome way.

He talks to me all the time, and most importantly he listens to me.

He makes me want to do better. I'm his and he's mine! We are exclusive and he isn't ashamed of me in fact he loves me so much he wants to show me off to the world!

I'm his treasure and he is all the treasure I need.

I dress to impress him, but he doesn't mind my jogger and tee days. He helps me to see myself as he sees me, and do you know what? It's a beautiful sight!

No one else compares to him and no one can make me feel as good about myself as he does.

I don't know what happens from here on out but I know I've never felt like this and I don't want to lose this feeling ever...